If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
