you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
