ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
