Define "chronic" masturbator.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
