your parents love me but you hate me
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
This baby is an asshole
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
