Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
