sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
