Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
