when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
