The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
