we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
