I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
