cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
