For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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