Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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