I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Randomize
