I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
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