Heybabeimwearingurpanties
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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