It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Someone shattered a urinal.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
