He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
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They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
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Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
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