yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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