you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
