so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
