Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
