Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
