Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
