I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
