Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
We need to rekindle our bromance
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
