I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
