Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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