You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
