Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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