Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
