dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
