just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
