sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Randomize
