Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Randomize
