You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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