You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
