I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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