I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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