Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
