Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
