I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
