she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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