Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
