Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
