I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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