Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
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we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
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Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
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