I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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