dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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