Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
