At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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