thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
