dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
