You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
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