I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Randomize
