I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Randomize
