I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
