I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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