i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
