the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
