absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize