I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
