he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
