...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
