i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
We were destined to go to rehab together
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Randomize
