I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Randomize
