Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
you didnt know i had herpes?
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
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