he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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