HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
