This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
