My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
