Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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