i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
