Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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