Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
