wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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