Already got asked if we're dating
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Randomize
