you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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