if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
