You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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