her vagine was all disorganized.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
it glows. i had to have it.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
