someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
