whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Randomize
